Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Happy Thoughts

I had a terrible day today, the kind that makes Murphy Monday's  pale in fear.  I guess it was a tumultuous, terrifying, tear-causing Tuesday.  But instead of regaling everyone with my list of woes, I decided to turn my mind to more positive things....even if I have to really work hard in order to do so. 

So here are a few of the thoughts and memories that make me happy....

Listening to my dad telling a story from his childhood, even when I've heard it before.  Watching my sons, when they were little, make things out of legos that shouldn't be possible-they made hinges out of lego people legs, and made things that transformed.  Seeing my daughter, pencil in hand, intently working on a drawing-she has such exuberant talent.  A hot, bubbly pineapple pizza with sesame seed crust.  Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream.  A brand new, previously unread, just came out book-from Anne McCaffrey or J.D. Robb.  Watching the sunrise over desert hills. 

Saturday mornings.  Every Saturday morning is my own private holiday.  And I get 52 of them every year!

The feeling I get just after shopping day, when everything is put away... pringles & cottage cheese.  Getting to just sit and talk to my best friend Connie, in person, for hours.  The way we used to ride our bikes together during summers.  Hugging James Doohan. That dinner with all my kids, my parents, my Aunt Alise and my grandmother. Finally finding a cool pair of brown boots. 

The Christmas when my sons stared with amazement when they opened a Playstation, and started screaming.  The same day, seeing my daughter cry when she got the American Girl Doll she'd wanted.  And seeing the same girl many year's later, so happy when Chi~ arrived.

And finally, the peace I always feel when sitting beside a body of water... a river, lake, ocean.  And the feeling of home I felt when I walked into FMC the first time.  And the exubarent feeling of Winning Nanowrimo this year! 

There, now I feel happier.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Rant about Christmas

I was talking to a friend recently, and she was telling me about how a family member of hers thinks that they should forgo buying each other Christmas presents, and instead spend the requisite several hundred dollars on her preferred charity.  Even when my friend explained that she couldn't do this, her sister wouldn't listen.  Truth is, this friend's entire Christmas budget may only be about $100, for her entire family. 

So many times I have sat in the break room at work, and listened to others talk about the gifts people are getting their kids... Ipods, new cell phones (the latest ones), expensive coats, and so on. These same people have houses 'up north' too, where some of them go to celebrate the season.

Then there are the people I know, and hang out with.  People who use their skills in the kitchen, with the sewing machine, and knitting needles in order to produce gifts for loved ones.  People who cannot spend $200 on a single gift for one child.

Funny thing is, those kids who receive the homemade gifts or simpler gifts, seem to still appreciate them and remember them months later... and those with the nifty ipods or cell phones have broken those and are asking for new, better ones.

That is my rant.  Thanks for listening.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Year of Changes

This has been a year of changes for me.  I became a vegetarian (lacto ovarian), moved to an apartment in a different city, broke a 45 year nail biting habit, and became active in a writing group.  I've decided to take various areas of my life more seriously, especially the writing.

I'm currently writing a book.  I'm part of NaNoWriMo (see previous post) and thus far, I have written nearly 23K words-the goal is 50K by November 30th.  Because of this experience, I've hooked up with a local writing group.  During November, we meet twice a week for write ins and often online.  It's such a blessing to be in a supportive community of writers!

Now onto the next change/challenge--finding a 'new' used car...

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Facing your fears

Today I fully planned on blogging about my adventure in Nanowrimo land, but something came up, hit me dead in the face, and demanded attention.  So, I'm sharing it here, in the hopes that despite any embarrassment on my part, it might help someone else out there in cyberland.

This morning I woke up and my first thoughts were thoughts of anxiety.  Naturally, I hit the snooze button, reset the alarm, and hit the snooze again.  A while later, reality intruded again, and I had to get up, and face the day.

On the drive to work, my worries were forefront in my mind.  I couldn't stop thinking about the two things that worried me the most.  At work, I finally realized that these two anxieties were simply not going to go away. Being at work, there wasn't much I could actively do about them, but I did realize that action was what I needed. Instead of trying to ignore the troubles, bury them beneath daily work & life wasn't working.

Therefore, I made a phone call on the one (about finding a 'new' car), and sent an explanatory email on the other (church library printer issues). The relief was nearly immediate.

There is something so freeing about tackling your fears head on, doing something, anything about them. There is the barest hint of coming peace.  The knots that took up permanent residence in my stomach loosened and dissolved, leaving only a memory.

The problems are still there-but I feel better.  I am handling my fears instead of my fears handling me.