Sunday, September 9, 2007

What would it be like to live confidently? To walk with shoulders thrown back, head held high? To take the attitude of a worthy lady, instead on a downtrodden servant? Can I live this way? I have spent so much of my life, hunched over, trudging along the path, expecting little, giving so much of myself, because I felt it was my 'place'. Do I have the courage to try to look up, to look into the eyes of my Maker, and to unfurl my wings, and take off into my potential?

Life is so much easier living as oppressed. It is easier to live within other's expectations, to keep my eyes on the ground before me. For so many years I have lived this way. Just walking along, doing what is expected of me. To value in myself only what I can give to others around me, to doubt they could even see me, beyond my service, to the woman within.

Then one dark and dismal day, as I sat mentally cataloging the various tasks before me, I listened to the excited chattering of others, making their plans for get togethers, to which I was not included. I suddenly found myself wondering if my only worth lay in serving. And I realized, that service tainted with self-effacement was not true service at all. It was only a form of self-betrayal. Following this thought, came the realization that my self-image, my very estimation of my own self-worth Can Not and Should Not be found outwardly. I was formed by a very creative Maker, for a specific purpose, whether that purpose be undiscovered as of yet. I was not made for mere trudging, but for flying, for soaring. This was a complete paradigm shift.

Now I am trying to change the way I live, to learn to live confidently. As scary as it is to try to live differently, to change my own attitude, I know that I cannot contiue as I have been. Slowly, with each choice I make, I am starting to flutter on untried wings. Some day soon, I will be soaring.


Bill Barnwell said...

Very good post! Well-written and thought provoking.

Heather said...

Beautiful! I can SO relate to this post. Keep up the great work!